The Blog

“I’m not dating just for play play”… and other hilarious 30something sayings we hate to admit are true

This video popped into my FB newsfeed and when I tell you, I hollered! As I cracked up with the laughter of recognition, Bae sat next to me with a knowing side-eye that obviously said that I wasn’t the only one who realized that this video contained just a bit more true than I’d like to admit. I mean honestly, at the ripe, fresh  age of 30something, I just need everyone to be specific about their intentions, I need my bills to stop interrupting my plans to be great, and I need people to stop inviting me to events that require me to choose between the “Financial Freedom” and “Turn Up” lines on my monthly budget (because you know if you’re in your 30s, you must have a budget…even if it is just for show). I’m so grateful for videos like this that can shine a light on the areas where we sometimes we feel like we are suffering alone. Laughter makes its a little easier to deal with feeling like I’m not exactly where I’m supposed to be at thirty-mindyabusiness years old.

30Something folks, watch the vid below and keep it real, is this you?

 

You can check out more of Tyree Elaine’s hilarious videos here

April 24, 2016 0 Comments

On the 5 Year Anniversary of My Mother’s Death

How to Celebrate Your Mother’s Death- A Poem?

I haven’t quite figured out the answer to that one yet. It seems like its one of those things in life that once you thing you have it figured out, you realize you are worse off than when you were at least trying to figure out because then the sudden random pain of it doesn’t sneak up and surprise you any more. When you are just figuring it out, and people are there to mourn with you, and expect you to cry and grieve, and shake, and stop doing any thing productive at random intervals, there is a comfort in the unspoken silence that you are allowed to fall apart and put yourself back together publicly…but 5 years later, you often feel like the silence has turned into a blind eye and then a side eye as the people you love start to say murmur about how and when you should “get over it”. But the truth is, if you haven never lost a mother, or a lung, or any other vital organ, you really cant and shouldnt pretend to know the timeline for returning to “normal” because truth be told, it no longer exists for those of us who have lost a mother, a child, or other vital organs. And yes, we still laugh, and play, and smile. And there are days that look like normal and smell like the life we’ve known. But in an instant, like a kamikaze pilot, a simple monosyllabic word can shatter any chance of normalcy ever being our normal again and open flood gates that even Noah cannot save you from and sometimes you just hope in your own tears you could drown yourself cause that would be easier than waiting for the next Pearl Harbor in your heart prompted by silly things like holdiays, commercials, stupid people complaining about the person that gave them life not appreciating the fact that at least, that person is still in their lives…so no I am not okay although I may be tomorrow and then not again next week. I truly cant say. So instead, Ill just answer, Im fine. and celebrate the life I once knew while wondering if will ever again remain “normal.

And another…

Untitled

I keep her buried in the closet

Under mountains of unopened mail

Piles of unsorted laundry

Buried under boxes of pictures and frames and life

and stuff

And the piles keep the pain from bubbling up to the surface

I want to run

To go away

To leave this space

and the hurt

and her

But wherever I go

There she be

Then she follows me

To work

Through life

In love

In the shower

Where I lather and soap and rinse and repeat

hoping to wash the sorrow away

How do i shake her

while honoring her memory

How do i love her and relocate her simultaneously

Where do i find an empty space to put my life.

Feb 2014

April 3, 2014 0 Comments

3 Things You Can Do about the Government Shutdown

Unless you’ve been hiding a rock (or meditating on one), you‘ve heard about the government shutdown underway in the United States. While a number of people, programs, and job have been impacted immediately and there are long term implications for any government shutdown, most of us, including news outlets are only able to speculate on the impact that it will have on us right now. This fear of the unknown, speculation into the worse possible scenarios keeps us on edge, afraid, and anxious. Our natural instinct is to want answers, to find someone to blame, to protest and write letters, to force those we see as being in power to make the decisions we see as correct. Although these options may give us some tiny feeling of control for a brief moment, they have no real impact on our peace of mind and power. Here are 3 things you can do to really make a difference and prevent a government shutdown.

1) Identify the power you have in the moment

 As you listen to the news or  livestream CNN on your smartphone, examine where you power lies. Are you frustrated with the coverage of the news and having more questions than answers? Turn off the TV! Identify what your worse fears are as it relates to the shutdown and take a look at your life in the current moment. Are you sitting next to someone you love reading the paper? Are you eating lunch as you sit in panic worrying about how the government shutdown will eventually impact your monthly bills? Are you laying in a warm, comfortable bed worried about the long term impact on the housing market? Look at what you have in the current moment. If you are safe, warm, loved, and fed you have everything you need and being present and grateful that you have everything you need in this moment provides a powerful place to stand on in every minute. 

2) Think solution, not scarcity!

In the case of government shutdown, “The government would not shut down” is not a solution.  Come up with solutions that allow you to dream about what would really make a difference in the area of this challenge. If you are stuck with coming up with solutions, try creating a list of possible positives that could come from the challenge. In this way, you switch   your brain from focusing on the problem, which is in the past and out of your control, to thoughts about what can be created in the present, the only place you have control.

 3) Take a step toward your solution

Look at all of the solutions you’ve suggested and see which of those you could implement immediately. If you want the government to listen to opposing views or be responsible for the vulnerable members of society, write down 3 actions you could take today to do those things in your life. Whose opposing viewpoint could you be open to today? (maybe it’s the government’s!) Who in your life can you be a contribution to today?

 

Although we may not be able to impact the choices of the government right now, we have the opportunity to impact our own lives, our families, our communities with the choices we make in each moment. Who we are in the world has a ripple effect and we have no idea how far out the ripple extends!

Whether the crisis be with the government or in your life, you always have the last word about how you let it impact you!

 

October 3, 2013 0 Comments

Sharing is Caring

I gotta start doing this first thing in the morning! Lol…It’s so easy to fall out of integrity with the things we say we are going to do. Skipping the gym one day becomes skipping the gym for a week which becomes having one fat snack as a cheat to completely not going to the grocery store and buying food and eating out everyday….Don’t act like its just me :0) So let me restore my integrity with you all. I said I would write every day for 30 days and yesterday, I did not post a new blog. The impact it has on you, is that as my readers, you don’t get to know whats going on with me and you can’t count on me to do what I say I’m going to do. You may also be wondering what happened to me, if I’m ok since I said I would post and I didn’t. The impact is has on me is that I spend half my day thinking about things I want to write about, only to frustrate myself at having forgotten them or not actually getting them out. Deeper than that, I don’t know myself as someone who actually does what I say I’m going to do, which if I cant trust me to do the the little things, how can I count on me to do the big things? So my new word, is I am committed to completing the rest of this 30 days with integrity AND I’m going to start posting in the morning, while my brain is fresh so tiredness cannot be an excuse. Now that that’ s out of the way (that’s another impact, i had to spend the first 250 words of this blog setting things straight about why I didn’t post yesterday, taking up precious time) lets get to it!

I had an amazing weekend celebrating the Solstice with my spiritual center and I made a (re)discovery about myself. I do not share. Not like, kindergarten sharing. I have no problem with sharing my stuff and things but when it comes to sharing what I am up to in life, I generally just don’t do it. Aside from my younger sister, who organized a troop of folks from our neighborhood and brought them down to one of my yoga classes, no one in my immediate circle has taken a yoga class with me. It’s the craziest thing! I’ve taught strangers all around the world but my very own loved ones have not had the chance to share my practice with me. It dawned on me when one of the sisters in a yoga group I’m in shared how she is supporting her dad through his battle with asthma by meditating with him and helping him with some breathing methods. I swear, if i was in a cartoon, a little light bulb would have turned on in a cloud over my head. Although I have been struggling with how to support my father with his health issues, the thought never crossed my mind to share my practice with him. My job/ life’s work is helping people find health and happiness and it didn’t even occur to me to begin with my father! I’ve been racking my brain researching and convincing him to go to the gym, I didn’t even think about bringing him my extra mat and sharing my practice with him! That’s only the beginning of my challenge with sharing.  Lately, there have been so many great experiences in my life and I realized this weekend that I enjoy way too many of them alone. Maybe it’s the speed with which my life occurs these days. It seems like everything is happening so fast and there is so much going on that I forget to include those I love in the busyness of my calendar.But I know that’s also an excuse because I include time to talk to the people i love in my calendar!(Literally, there’s an alarm that goes off in my calender everyday reminding me to call someone I love). But when I talk to them, I get all tongue tied and twisted up when it comes time to talk about myself and what I’m up to. I know that it stems from training as a child on “humility” and “not showing off”. Sometimes the very things our parents trained us to do in the name of being respectable adults ends up being the very same things that bite us in the butt as successful adults, and definitely as entrepreneurs.  Including people in your life is one of the greatest gifts you can give to the people that love you. It’s definitely a learning process.  However it developed is irrelevant, what I’m going to differently is the key. A good friend shared a African proverb me this weekend , “No one can perform a celebration by himself.” I realized the truth of that statement this weekend while (literally)performing at an awesome Solstice celebration. I felt amazing afterwards and the moment faded quickly when I had nobody with whom I could share my excitement. The joy in what we do often comes with our ability to share it with those closest to us. We relive the excitement in their experience. So what I’m creating is giving up playing my cards so close and freely sharing whatever it is I am experiencing, good, bad, indifferent. I will also host a Yoga class for my closest friends and family and have a Zumba showcase for them as soon as I finish my certification next week! It’s about darn time that I involve the people I love, cause hell they’ve been my supporters from when I wasn’t doing anything so of course they would have my back now! Sharing is caring is the new mantra and I want to make sure the folks I love know that I absolutely care about them!

June 24, 2013 1 Comment

Who is tending your Flame?

Sometimes the people that love us the most are the most likely to kill our dreams. Not because they are secretly haters or out to get you. See, love is often synonymous with protection. Particularly as parents, “I love you, I want the best for you” means I want to you to be safe, stable, and to be able to eventually one day protect and provide for your family. So when ever opt to do something outside of the box, something different than the normal for our family, the protection mechanism kicks in. And somehow whether consciously or subconsciously, our dreams can fall victim to the protection of those that love us most.

So sometimes, you just have to learn when to keep our dreams to ourselves.  Identifying the keepers of the flame is key to success in any venture whether it’s business, love, weight loss or any other new venture that you are stepping into for the first time. Imagine that your new vision is a flame. Have you ever seen a campfire get started? It must be tended, gently pushed, protect enough to keep wind out but not smothered enough to remove the oxygen it needs to grow. The keepers of the flame are those individuals who know how to tend a fire, who will nurture and support or offer you the kind of protection that keep out those seeking to put the fire out. We must identify those people that have the resources, experiences, or passion that will aid in keeping our dream alive and growing it.  As you tend your flame and grow from a flame to a full blown fire, you will have the capacity to share with those you love and more importantly, they’ll be able to feel it and see it long before you even have to tell them about it. As you fan the flames and the get stronger, go ahead and let them try to throw something on it! All of those elements that would put out a tiny flame only make a fire larger. Similarly, all the doubt and nay saying that can kill an idea in the beginning can serve as inspiration and motivation once your idea is strong enough to stand up on its own. It is up to us to only share our flames with those who are committed to growing our fire. We must also be careful not to put out our own flames. Often our own self-doubt and value can have us pour water on our fire before it has a chance

 

June 21, 2013 1 Comment